Huh. So that was.
Sep. 26th, 2009 11:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apocalypticbobJust got back from seeing "The Time Traveler's Wife", and here are my candid thoughts:
I kinda thought it sucked.
No, really. I mean, I know I will probably lose my girl card for saying so, but while I thought the premise was interesting, and Rachel McAdams' ass was worth the $3.50 I paid, I was disturbed by plot holes that gaped bigger than a SanFran queen's ass, shmaltz deemed too cheesy for a Hallmark commercial, and the creepiest child actors ever given a SAG card.
Now, let's be frank here. I'm a big cry baby when it comes to chick flicks. Hell, I cry at Kodak commercials, cotton commercials, and songs from the 80's. I'm the Goddess of shmoopy shit. This movie felt so forced, with its predictable plotline, leading score, and endless effort to build touching moments in the meadow that it forgot to make us actually give a damn about the characters. I've seen horror movies where I was rooting for the villains more than I was rooting for this couple. I think much of that comes from awkward introductions, both to us and to each other. Instead of developing characters, they try to make you like them quickly with sympathy, so they can hurry up and get to the time traveling, and it just feels pushy.
The child actors in this are unremarkable, except for their unremarkableness. The little girl looks like a troll doll that was melted in a horrific microwave accident. I just couldn't feel anything for her. The boy isn't much better, though thankfully we are subjected to far less of him.
The plot has huge holes in it. We know that Henry can't time travel on demand, so he was never able to save his mother or, obviously, himself. We also know that his daughter can control her time travel, and travel outside her own life span, so why couldn't she go back and save her grandmother and her father? Inexcusable mistake that destroyed the rest of the movie for me, not that there was much left to destroy.
Here's the biggest problem this movie had for me: it was as anticlimactic as a withered penis after a long night of whiskey dick sex. We know Henry is going to die. It is smeared in our faces constantly that he is going to die. We know the year, we know the place, we know the how, so when he actually dies, instead of feeling sorry for his grieving widow and melted troll daughter, you are left thinking, "Finally!" Don't get too excited, though, because we still need to have one final goopy scene in the sun dappled meadow so he can tell them to stop waiting for him and they can walk off hand in hand like the end of a douche commercial, leaving only the audience with that "not so fresh feeling".
I suggest giving this one a miss.
I kinda thought it sucked.
No, really. I mean, I know I will probably lose my girl card for saying so, but while I thought the premise was interesting, and Rachel McAdams' ass was worth the $3.50 I paid, I was disturbed by plot holes that gaped bigger than a SanFran queen's ass, shmaltz deemed too cheesy for a Hallmark commercial, and the creepiest child actors ever given a SAG card.
Now, let's be frank here. I'm a big cry baby when it comes to chick flicks. Hell, I cry at Kodak commercials, cotton commercials, and songs from the 80's. I'm the Goddess of shmoopy shit. This movie felt so forced, with its predictable plotline, leading score, and endless effort to build touching moments in the meadow that it forgot to make us actually give a damn about the characters. I've seen horror movies where I was rooting for the villains more than I was rooting for this couple. I think much of that comes from awkward introductions, both to us and to each other. Instead of developing characters, they try to make you like them quickly with sympathy, so they can hurry up and get to the time traveling, and it just feels pushy.
The child actors in this are unremarkable, except for their unremarkableness. The little girl looks like a troll doll that was melted in a horrific microwave accident. I just couldn't feel anything for her. The boy isn't much better, though thankfully we are subjected to far less of him.
The plot has huge holes in it. We know that Henry can't time travel on demand, so he was never able to save his mother or, obviously, himself. We also know that his daughter can control her time travel, and travel outside her own life span, so why couldn't she go back and save her grandmother and her father? Inexcusable mistake that destroyed the rest of the movie for me, not that there was much left to destroy.
Here's the biggest problem this movie had for me: it was as anticlimactic as a withered penis after a long night of whiskey dick sex. We know Henry is going to die. It is smeared in our faces constantly that he is going to die. We know the year, we know the place, we know the how, so when he actually dies, instead of feeling sorry for his grieving widow and melted troll daughter, you are left thinking, "Finally!" Don't get too excited, though, because we still need to have one final goopy scene in the sun dappled meadow so he can tell them to stop waiting for him and they can walk off hand in hand like the end of a douche commercial, leaving only the audience with that "not so fresh feeling".
I suggest giving this one a miss.
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-27 06:53 am (UTC)I'm wondering if we will ever see a yogurt that stops you up, and if so, will they market it to men?
no subject
Date: 2009-09-27 06:58 am (UTC)*grins*
I think we could sell it. I used to know a lot of military guys who would go on field exercises and beg, borrow, and steal other people's peanut butter and cheese from the MRE's to stop themselves up so they wouldn't have to dig latrine pits. You know if we can market it to the military we'd make the big bucks.
no subject
Date: 2009-09-27 07:04 am (UTC)