State of the Bob - Brain Dump Edition

Hit a bad spot last night. Called my system into play, and thankfully okcountrygirl was available to talk. Doing better this morning.

Frustrated because I fell in love with a dress on eBay and was going to buy it for The Longest Night Ball but the bidding has gone higher than I was willing to spend, so now have to come up with plan B. If I were more confident in my sewing skills, I'd make myself something, but I just don't know if I'm up to evening wear. Garb is one thing, evening wear is another. Still, I'm going to go look at patterns to see if I can find anything I think would suit and be within my skill set. I just really don't want to wear garb or a dress I already have. Yeah, technically I could wear the black cocktail dress I wore to Kim's wedding/ RENT, but I'm vain enough that I'd like something new when going to an event where everyone else will be dressed to the nines.

Had Smog's birthday party yesterday, and it was a lot of fun. Took him and a couple of his friends to play laser tag at Laser Quest in Tulsa. Great place...very enthusiastic employees...just a blast. One of the boys' mother wound up coming and hanging around with me. While the boys were in for their first run (I bought them two runs each), she and I decided it looked like so much fun that we added ourselves to the second run. I had never done laser tag before...it's a great workout, even though you aren't supposed to run. You get to chose code names and everything. Since I had been joking with one of the employees about Twilight (he asked if I liked it, I replied that I did, he fired a toilet paper gun at me, I joked that I had breasts and was obligated to like it, he fell down behind the counter in hysterics) I chose the code name Fang, just to further pick on him. Too funny! I'd definitely like to get a group together later this winter and go do laser tag again. It's $8 a person per run, and you'll really want to go twice, but I think they have group rates if we can get enough people interested. Sometime after the holidays, expect a laser tag outing. I took the boys for pizza at Pizza Hut afterwards, and then we went home, dropping off boys as we went.

Shortly after we got home, one of Smog's neighborhood friends came over and asked if he could spend the night. I allowed it, and considered going over to Stillwater to see New Moon, but I figured the theater would still be crowded and I'd like to wait until the crowds die down a bit.

Had a second date Friday night with a local guy named Alex. I'm still not sure where it is going, but we had a good time and I think we are going to see each other again. And that's about all I'm going to say about that at this time.

The next couple of days will mostly be spent in preperation for my trip to Texas this coming week. Going to be a long drive and a busy weekend, but a lot of fun, hopefully. We need to get our TRF tickets ordered, so we need to determine how many days we are going. Must talk to ladyniniane about that.

I'm trying to decide if I'm coing up to Pub Night tonight. On one hand, I REALLY want to see the_jenny_of_oz...it's been way too long. On the other hand, I'm so freaking exhausted. After talking with okcountrygirl last night, I went and laid down and pulled the blanket up over my shoulders and was asleep before I could turn off my bedside lamp. It was more like passing out than sleeping, and it wasn't incredibly restful. The night before, I slept well and hard, but not nearly long enough, as Smog woke me up at 7 am to talk about some commercial he'd seen on TV (he almost didn't make it to his own birthday party.) I'm trying to decide if I'm up for a third late night in a row.

And that's what's going on with The Bob. What's going on in your world?

An open letter to myself, circa 1994

(as encouraged by arkhamrefugee)

Dear Amber,

If this letter reaches you as planned, you are 16 years old. There are a few things you need to know about the next 15 years, things that will save you lots of grief and heartache.

- Don't save your important writings (or even your non-important ones) on 3.5 floppys. Print out hard copies, put them in binders. You'll wish you had done this later.

- Don't sleep with Julio. He doesn't love you. He's using you. You'll wish later that your first consensual time was with someone you cared about and someone who cared about you. You'll also wish it was much better and lasted more than 2 minutes, so wait.

- You are going to believe you are in love a whole lot of times in the next few years. Most of them are lust or like, and some are friendships that you will cherish forever, but stop stressing so much about finding "the one." Enjoy them for what they are...brief, messy, fun, heartbreaking, and all of those other human emotions, without tacking so much social baggage on to them. You don't have to give a piece of your heart to all of them. They aren't all worthy. Be more discerning.

- You aren't crazy for desiring what you desire, and you aren't alone. Not even remotely. Don't think it makes you sick or perverted. Just accept it as part of the broad spectrum of human attraction, and don't beat yourself up about it (ah, irony!) too much.

- When you are 19, a trip to Georgia will change your life irrevocably. What seems like the end of the world will in fact be an enhancement, but like a boulder dropped in a creek, it will divert the path your life is on. Try not to let it crush you.

- His little white lie to his boss was a stupid reason to break up. You should move to New York to be with him. You will always wonder what will happen if you don't. Don't let fear and a job that will end in a few years stop you from pursuing a real chance at happiness.

- Peter is not worth trying to kill yourself over. He will never call you or visit you or write you in the hospital. He is a loser and a pothead. Life is precious.

- While you are in the hospital, keep your drawings to yourself. Things will go downhill fast if you don't, and you won't get the help you need.

- Stop fucking with people's heads. They aren't your playtoys and you will regret it later. Treat people with kindness and respect and integrity. Stop being reckless with their emotions, and stop being reckless with yours.

- You are beautiful. You are not too fat. The modeling industry is absolutely insane. Do not starve yourself to fit their ideals. You won't be able to anyway, because you have actual breast tissue that you can't diet off and hip bones that are wide and will never fit in sample sizes. You will never be a size 2. You will never be smaller than a size 6, and that is perfectly okay. Stop chasing that dream and focus on being healthy and learning good eating and exercise habits.

- Learn to let things go. Not just emotional things, but physical ones. You will wind up in deep trouble if you don't.

- Don't get three credit cards and max them out, thinking the good job will last forever. It won't, and you won't have much to show for it. Invest wisely, save some money, and stop buying crap you don't need.

- You won't be married by the time you are 30. Don't hang everything on that.

- The house on Second Street is haunted. Don't rent it.

- Tell someone about your brother. Tell someone about the gangs and the drugs. Tell someone about the way he hits you. You don't need to put up with that anymore.

- It is going to be okay. It isn't going to go as you planned, but it is going to be okay. You will meet some awesome people and have some amazing experiences.

I love you, just as you are,

AB

____________________________________________________

And now, quoting from arkhamrefugee:

"I challenge you readers to post your own letters to yourselves, circa 15 years ago."