Random letters for a Saturday morning

Dear Bob,

Stop crushing on people who don't return your interest. It is sad and pathetic and needs to stop. Save it for someone who is just as smitten with you.

Affectionately,

Yourself

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Dear Smog,

You are in it now. Your new teacher actually communicates with me, and we are both committed to making sure you do well in class. You might be able to fool one of us, but you will very rarely fool both of us.

Stop trying.

Mom

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Dear Bob,

Either something is really wrong with your scale, or you've lost four and a half pounds over the last four days. How? I mean, you aren't eating as much, and you've scaled back on the junk, but that's a pretty hefty amount! Keep it up!

Your left asscheek

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Dear Bob,

Despite repeated experiments that prove this, you seem oblivious to the fact that I will not do myself. Get off your slightly skinnier arse and take care of me.

The Laundry

I'm a fairy!

( See what kind! )