And now, we sleep.

Home safe.

Weekend update later tomorrow, as I have sub assignments for the next three days, at least.

Didn't lose any weight over the weekend, but didn't gain any, either, which is pretty good for drinking heavily and eating out. Back on the exercise tomorrow.

I'm exhausted and emotionally drained and ready to crash. Goodnight, all.

(no subject)

His jaunty yellow shirt hardly seemed to fit with his bright red face as he leaned out the window of his van, screaming phrases at the ATM that ended with the word fuck. He grabbed his card and receipt and turned to the woman in the passenger seat. I could barely make out her dark hair through the dusty back window as he berated her, but I could see her well enough to see her head drop into her hand against the window in a posture I know all too well. He continues his pantomime of anger. She turns to him with gestures that would do Meryl Streep in an Italian melodrama proud. I wait behind them, eager to be on about my errands, but deciding not to honk as I'm afraid to be the one to send him over the edge. I know far too well about that kind of thing. He finally peeled out of the parking lot, and I said a prayer for them, that all would be well and that they would find peace.

I drove out to Mom's landlord's house to drop off the rent check, and was greeted with two playful yearling deer at the side of her yard. I stopped, and they stopped and stared at me for the longest time. I couldn't help but smile at their antics. I eased off the brake, and one of them bounded across the gravel road, wagging his pretty white tail at me. His playmate soon followed, and I said a prayer for them, that all would be well, and that they would find peace.

I am constantly awestruck by the ugliness and the beauty of this world.

If this were any more accurate, it would name more names in it besides my own.

Name: Amber
Date: 11/17/2008
Colorgenics Number: 37052164


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You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Rejection is what you fear the most and it is this fear that makes you unapproachable. You are looking for acknowledgement and above all looking for people who can appreciate you for who and what you are.

It's the old old story - I am misunderstood - my partner (be it in your private life or in business) just doesn't understand me and YOU also believe at this time that you are being completely MISUNDERSTOOD by one and all. It then obviously follows that you naturally feel inhibited and not appreciated. It is perhaps because of this belief that you feel compelled to stand back and let the rest of the world go by. As for developing a firm relationship - inwardly deep down in your subconscious mind you are wary of even trying to get close to another person because you feel that if you open up your heart and feelings you are sure to get hurt. Since you are living in a society where close relationships are the norm, you feel that there is that need to conform, but any close relationships of any magnitude that you may have tried in the past have unfortunately left you without any sense of emotional involvement.

You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.

Whatever you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong and you are now quite convinced that there is little point of formulating new objectives and it is this belief that has resulted in the stress and anxiety. You would like to be able to communicate with other people who think as you do. At this time there seems to be no-one on the horizon nor is there any prospect of meeting anyone in the immediate future. But it must be said that you are really a 'trier' and indications are that you will, as indeed you have in the past, 'bounce back'.