apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear Flist,

If you haven't already, please go check out the auctions going on over at [livejournal.com profile] rescue_rowan. You'll be seeing this a lot from me over the next month or so as she tries to raise money for her move. There are some amazing things for auction, things that would make perfect Christmas/Yule/Hanukkah/Winterthing/etc. gifts, and you'd truly be giving a gift to two people at once if you purchased them.

Direct donations are also very much appreciated via Paypal to:

rowangolightly (at) gmail (dot) com

Thank you for your generosity!!

Da Bob

***********************************

Dear Amber,

I know you are feeling pretty vulnerable right now. It will be okay. It is not a reflection on you. What will be, will be. Breathe, hon. It is what it is, and you can't control the actions of other people. Wait a few more days, do what you have to do, and don't let current events spoil your memories of the experience, if you can help it.

You Are Worthy.

Amber

*********************************

Dear Devon (aka Smog),

This time eleven years ago, I was hooked up to monitors and an IV that would encourage you to make your entry into this world. You didn't make an appearance until almost 8 in the evening, and you changed my life. It's crazy to look at you now, all gangly legs and freckles, and remember that you were my little turkey baby, my little peanut, my little bullfrog. I miss the baby you were sometimes so hard that it aches, and I admit that I occasionally dread the teenage years ahead of us, but mostly I love the tween you are now, even when I'm frustrated with your rare rebellion.

Don't grow up too fast, and don't pull away too soon.

I love you so much,

Mommy (always)

*********************************

Dear friends from Pub Night,

Don't forget to journal the bookcrossing books you picked up last night, if you don't mind. You can stay anonymous, or if you want to see where the books go when you are done with them, you can register. I'm apocalypticbob there, too, if you want to use me as your referring member. If you join, please add me over there, too!

If you journal the books, I'm far more likely to keep bringing them to Pub Night and giving you dibs on free books...just saying.

Love ya!

BookCrosser Bob

********************************

Dear Calendar,

I'm torn, looking at you. I know there are awesome things ahead, things I'm looking forward to attending, friends I'm looking forward to seeing, and yet, there they are. All those red letter days, those pre-printed words glaring up at me from the page, reminding me that I am, once again, alone for the holidays. I'm frantically filling my days with activities to avoid actually thinking about it, but that really doesn't work and we both know it.

If it weren't for the weather, I'd be ready for January already.

No love,

AmberBob
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Drove over to Stillwater this morning to pick up a Disney Princess Castle toy organizer someone was offering on freecycle. Retail price of similar organizers ranges between $40 and $60, but the one I got is the much prettier, no longer available one in the Amazon link. SCORE! Nevaeh will love it. Needs a quick wipe down, but is completely intact and in great shape.

Since I was over there anyway, I went to Hastings to pick up a couple of used books and treated myself to brunch at IHOP. Then I stopped by Dollar Tree to pick up some more organizer bins for my bathroom shelves. I also managed to get hit on in Dollar Tree.

****************

Dear Fellow Dollar Tree Customer,


While I was flattered that you were interested enough in me to do a double take and then begin following me around the store in an effort to get my attention, hovering one aisle over gets really creepy really fast. I was actually kind of proud of you for finally getting the nerve up to introduce yourself to me, and I shook your hand and told you my first name. However, desperate as I may be for romance, I'm not quite yet desperate enough to fall head over heels for a guy who reeks of beer and marajuana at 10:30 on a Wednesday morning. Your eyes were so bloodshot that there was more red than white. I answered your question that, no, I don't live in Stillwater. I bid you good day, and I hope you have a great life, but you really need to work on your technique.

Not interested,

Bob

********************

Dear IHOP in Stillwater, OK,

Once again, superior dining experience! The food was wonderful, the service was efficient and friendly, the restaurant was spotlessly clean, the music wasn't too loud, the ambiant temperature was fine. Just lovely! There are a lot of chain restaurants that don't make the effort to create a nice experience, but you do, and it shows.

Thanks again!

Bob

********************

Dear [livejournal.com profile] bodhifox and [livejournal.com profile] fairgoldberry,

It has been brought to my attention that you have not yet met here in LJ land. I'd very much like to encourage you to consider rectifying this. You are both amazing, uplifting people, and I think you would likely enjoy each other's journals very much. I know you have both made my life richer for being a part of it, and joy shared is joy multiplied, I truly believe.

Give it a go, eh?

Bob

***************

Dear Hastings,

Why? Why do you not like my friend, [livejournal.com profile] m_stiefvater? She's an awesome writer, but I couldn't find her books anywhere in your store, and they weren't in your electronic inventory, either. How can this be? Did she wrong your founder in a former life? Please to be fixing this now.

Unhappily,

Bob

***************

And that's my Wednesday so far. I go in a couple of hours to get my TB test read. It looks better at this point than the one in June did, so who knows? It also itches like a thousand fire ants under my skin, which I don't remember the last one doing. Should be interesting to see what they say.

How is your Wednesday?
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear ER Doctor My Sister Saw Last Night And Other Doctors Working In The USA,

For fuck's sake, wake up and open your eyes and think for just a minute before you sit down with your damn prescription pad. Now, I know you get your kickbacks and your perks from the drug reps. I get it. That said, shake this thought around in your book smart but not street smart brains for a second: if a patient comes in, sick as a dog with an infection and fighting stress headaches, and she tells you she is poor as a church mouse and has no prescription coverage, do you think that you are helping the situation when you write prescriptions for antibiotics that cost fifty fucking dollars when there are several types of broad spectrum antibiotics on the four dollar plan at most pharmacies? That is the kind of bullshit that has our nation in a health care crisis.

I'm done with it. Completely fucking done. I swear to all that is ever holy, I'm not going to leave a doctor's office again without asking him what he thinks the drugs he has just prescribed for this self paying, uninsured, single mother cost. If he can't answer me, then I'm going to ask him to make certain that he's writing to my needs, and not to the needs of the drug reps.

It's time to say no. It's time to say I will not pay outlandish prices for medicine that has other, cheaper alternatives. I get it that some medicines have no equivalent, but seriously, Doctors, get a list of the cheaper medicines. Stash it in your office drawer. When you have patients who are going without to afford the office visit, do them a solid and don't make them decide between food and antibiotics.

No one wins. No one.

Fed up,

Bob

(For the record, dear flist, we had the pharmacy call the doctor back to tell him we couldn't afford it and ask for an alternative. Original medicine - Augmentin - $49.97. Replacement medicine - Amoxycillin - $3.00, and she gets to have groceries. That's the kind of bullshit I'm talking about.)

******************************************************************

Dear Face,

What in the hell did I do to you? Have I not been drinking more water? Have I not been washing my face? Have I not been avoiding wearing make up, in the hopes that you would behave yourself and decide to act like an almost 31 year old face instead of a 13 year old face?

Why?

Why do you think that what I really need is a huge zit on my face? I no longer lament for the loss of Pluto as our ninth planet, for I'm now growing my own on my chin. It is red and raised and hurts like hell, and I want it gone, preferably before it is terraformed and colonized. I think my dinner fork was getting sucked into it's gravitational pull. Of course, if an explorer decides to plant his tiny little flag in it, he's in for a rude awakening, as he'll likely be blasted off the surface by an eruption.

I'm not looking forward to your Big Bang.

Squickedly,

Bob

******************************************************

Dear Potatoes and Onions I Ate For Dinner,

Mmmm....you were delicious. Please be kind to me. I'd rather not be up at 4 this morning with an upset stomach again.

Tastefully,

Bob

*****************************************************

Dear Smog,

Two days.

Mwahahaha!!

Anticipatorily,

MomBob

*****************************************************

Dear Brother,

The reckoning is coming.

No love,

Me

*****************************************************

Dear A&E,

Thank you for your timely new show, HOARDERS. It reminds me that:

A) I'm not alone.

B) I'm not the worst.

C) If I don't break this cycle now, I could be much worse.

D) I can do this.

I'll be watching.

Releasingly,

Bob
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear Bob,

There are certain things you are no longer allowed to buy, until you use up a good majority of your stash. These include:

1) Soap/Lotion/Body Wash - Now woman, I know you've gained a lot of weight, but you still only have one body, and you can't take 20 baths/ showers a day. No more until you use up the vast stash you already have.

2) Fabric - OMG! Totes and totes and bags and bags and bolts and rolls of fabric. Start sewing and stop buying! No more until you use up at least a few totes worth. Seriously.

3) Perfume - I know, I know. You are addicted to BPAL, and the Halloweenies and the Sachs and Violens update look amazing, but you can't. You just can't. No more until you have tested at least half of the imps in your "to test" box and then, seriously, limit yourself.

4) Craft supplies - You have bought and rebought so many things that you shouldn't need to buy certain supplies ever again. Only buy what you need, and stop buying multiples.

5) Hair stuff - You have one head. You can't possibly wash, style, and futz with it enough to use all the stuff you have.

6) Blankets - Are you expecting a nuclear winter? I know you had a rough time when you were a kid, but get over it. You have more comforters than the bedding department of Sears.

7) Doc Marten shoes - The 90's are over. Grunge is dead. You aren't a lumberjack. Deal. I know they are comfy, and you can keep the ones you have, but no buying any more until these are good and worn out and gone.

8) Stuffed Animals - You are almost 31, not 12. Let the majority of them go.

9) Gifts - No more buying things to give as gifts and then losing them in your house.

10) Books - Yeah, right. Let's not get crazy here.

Well, eight is a start.

*grins*

Seriously, though. No more retail therapy. Being broke has helped you there, but don't fall back into that habit when you are working again and not broke.

Hoardingly,

Bob

**********************************************

Dear Uterus,

Die in a fire.

No love,

Bob

*********************************************

Dear Smog,

You've got to get back to a somewhat normal sleep schedule. I know VBS has kept you up late this week, but there's no reason to still be up at midnight.

Sleepily,

Mom

*******************************************

Dear Flist,

Love you. Haven't been on as much, because I've been spending a lot of time working at my place, trying to take it from a storage facility to an actual home. It's been exhausting, both physically and emotionally, but I'm making progress. I look forward to the day in the not too distant future when I can actually have people over to my home, small though it may be, and not be ashamed. I'm a bit excited about this. For a hoarder, this is a big step, and I'm a bit proud of myself, too. I'm starting to realize the light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train after all.

Hopefully,

Me
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear School Board Administration Staff,

It is NOT okay to tell your employees, even your part time ones, that you'll "Be here all summer!" and neglect to mention except Fridays when it is incredibly obvious that the first payday of the summer falls on a FRIDAY!!

(Paydays are weird here...they are on the 20th, unless the 20th falls on a weekend, and then they are on the Friday before the weekend. Except apparently during the summer they are CLOSED ON FRIDAYS but neglected to share this information! I feel bad for the poor gardener that was working there today, because she's going to be having a lot of unhappy people visiting her today.)

If I don't receive my check in the mail today, you will be receiving a piece of my mind on Monday.

Absolutely no love,

Bob

*************************************

Dear Family,

Have a great time at the reunion! It was really hard to see you guys leave last night and not be able to go with you. Give my love to the family and tell them I'll see whoever is still alive at the next reunion in two years.

Wistfully,

Bob (who really wishes she could be in two places at once this weekend)

*************************************

Dear Dad,

Happy Father's Day. I know we don't talk much. I hope life is going well for you. You were never really an amazing father, but it is still a comfort to me to know that you are out there.

Maybe I'll call you on Monday and surprise you.

We'll see.

Love you, Dad.

Princess

***********************************

Dear Bob,

Get off your ass and off the computer. You have two pair of bloomers to sew, a car to pack, and hair to dye. No time, woman! No time.

Seriously,

Bob

********************************

Dear Phlegm,

Consider this your eviction notice. You aren't welcome here. Please to be leaving now.

Testily,

Bob

******************************

Dear Flist,

Off to WhiteHart dress rehearsal weekend! See some of you there and the rest on the flip side!

Later,

Bob
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear Waiter at Fujis,

Good on you! I told you the iced tea tasted like fish (seriously, it tasted like aquarium water! [livejournal.com profile] naamah_darling and [livejournal.com profile] bat_cheva can back me up on this!) and you immediately whisked it away and brought me a soda. When you walked by again, you made a face that showed me you had indeed gone to the back and confirmed that it was incredibly not good. I'm glad we made it in at the beginning of the lunch rush (all you can eat sushi at the Brookside location on weekdays from 11 to 2 is pretty damn cool!) so you could get some new tea going for everyone else. Also, you had a spectacularly blinged Superman belt buckle. We like you.

Something is fishy in the state of Tea,

Bob

*******************************************

Dear Drive thru man at Taco Mayo,

Thank you for paying attention when I wasn't. You realized what I was ordering was a combo and rung it up that way, even though I didn't ask for it, thus saving me a little money. I appreciate it. You didn't have to go the extra mile, but you do.

Thanks for the 20 or so cents,

Bob

****************************************

[livejournal.com profile] bat_cheva and [livejournal.com profile] naamah_darling,

Thanks for the companionship today. Sushi and shopping was just what the doctor ordered. I may even find the energy to tackle laundry this evening!

Love you.

Bob

*****************************************

Dear Family of Choice,

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being the kind of family I can call on their shit and know that you will react appropriately. I forget that not everyone is like that. You give me hope for the human race.

Love you,

Bob

******************************************

Dear Smog,

Tough call, I'm sure. To attend Student Day at OKRF or to go to school on Puberty Video and Hygiene Day. You all know the one. The one where they put all the fourth grade boys in one room and all the fourth grade girls in another room? Yeah, that is this Friday.

You'll learn more about sex at faire anyway,

Mom
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear Jacqueline Carey,

We regret to inform you that you have exceeded your allotted use of the word "alacrity" in your Kushiel series. Please consult your nearest thesaurus for other words such as "haste", "speed", or "quickness" which may also suit your purposes. Twice a chapter for six books is far too much.

Hastily yours,

Bob

P.S. Other than that, please keep up what you are doing. I'm on the last book of the six and loving them!

***********************************************

Dear Bob,

Congratulations on your cure for suicidal thoughts. It would have been more convenient if you had discovered this cure while you were actually having suicidal thoughts, but we'll file it away here for future reference. Apparently watching Saw V and Funny Games back to back will instill you with a fierce desire to live and a strong urge to avoid pain. As these are conducive to life, we find this knowledge to be useful, even if the means for achieving it were somewhat disturbing.

All knowledge is worth having, right, Jacqueline Carey?

Vivaciously,

Bob

*********************************************

Dear Oklahoma Weather,

Make up your freakin' mind already!

Snifflingly,

Bob

*******************************************

Dear Mom,

You are too funny. Listening to you talk on the phone about your big adventure into New York to buy clandestine knock-off designer handbags cracked me up. I can totally picture it, and I wish I could have been there. Someday, New York. Someday.

Broadway Dreamin',

Bob

******************************************

Dear Friends,

I know I haven't been posting on here much lately, or at least much of consequence. I've been burning the candle at both ends, and it isn't likely to end soon, as I have something scheduled every weekend between now and the middle of July. I'm tired. Please, forgive me, bear with me, and hang on. It's going to get bumpy here, but it always does this time of year. Bob has pretty much two modes lately, it seems. Busy as a bee and depressed as a ...well... a depressed thing. At least while I'm busy I'm usually happy, so that's something, or maybe I'm just too tired and distracted to be depressed. Either way, I'll take it. I apologize in advance for days when I'm too tired to post or too tired to do anything but meme. It won't last forever.

Exhaustedly,

Bob
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear Stomach,

Please to be ceasing your acrobatics. They are neither amusing nor pleasant. You will not succeed in turning yourself inside out, even if you have divested yourself of all contents, so it is in the best interest of both of us if you stop trying.

Nauseously,

Bob

************************************************

Dear HIMYM,

I just finished Season 2 of you today (still awesome, even on cold meds!) and you continue to rock my socks. Feel free to carry on.

Legen...wait for it...darily yours,

Bob

***********************************************

Dear OKRF Cast and [livejournal.com profile] spacezombie,

*waves*

Hi! I hope I didn't breathe on you too much at Mixer and other such things on Saturday. I'd not wish this on anyone. Get some vitamin C in you, STAT, just in case. If you get this crap, I apologize in advance.

Mea Culpa,

Bob

************************************************

Dear IRS,

Please cough up my federal return this Friday. I need the cashy monies.

Broke,

Bob

***********************************************

Dear Illness,

Let this serve as your eviction notice. You have 24 hours to vacate the premesis, as I have way too much stuff going on this weekend to be dancing attendance on you.

Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

Buh-bye,

Bob
apocalypticbob: (Default)
Dear Jewelry Retailers,

I get it. Truly. I do. The economy is down and you've got to fight for those retail dollars. Jewelry is a rather frivolous purchase and therefore the first to get scratched off of people's lists. I do understand. But come on! Three sappy jewelry commercials in a row is more likely to make me slit my wrists than adorn them with the diamond tennis bracelets you are hawking. Please, for the sake of myself and all the other single folk who aren't going to have a "Zales moment" this holiday season, keep it to a minimum.

Sparklingly yours,

Bob

***************************************

Dear Brain,

Thank you, thank you, thank you! This was the first morning since sometime last week that I didn't wake up before my alarm went off. So nice. Let's make a habit of this!

Sleepily,

Bob

**************************************

Dear Libido,

Thanks for coming out to play this weekend. Time to go away now. I appreciate your willingness to step up and assist me this weekend with my whore character. A healthy libido is certainly an asset in that kind of situation. That said, the weekend is over and I have a long, lonely winter stretching out ahead of me, so you can just tuck yourself back into whatever corner you sprang forth from until...oh...May or so. When you are around, you are a bad influence, like the friend in school that wants you to cut class and party with them instead of studying and doing the right thing. If I allowed you free reign...well, that would be a dangerous thing indeed. As much as I've enjoyed your company, don't let the door hit you in the rear on your way out.

Buh-Bye.

Frustratedly,

Bob

**********************************

Dear Bob,

You have way too much to do today to be on the computer. Get your bum off the couch and get to work! You need to complete three projects for the Shindig, clean house, do laundry, go to the gym, plant those damn tulip bulbs before it is too late, go to the bank, and go to the grocery store, and you only have a finite amount of time to do it all in. Time managment is your friend today. Time sucking computer is not.

Focus.

Drag your ass through a shower and get to it, girl!

Love you,

Bob
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